--You know you're the best AUNT in the whole universe when your niece walks into the room and her face lights up when she sees you.
-- "I'll buy you tall, tall trees and all the waters in the seas,
I'm a fool, fool, fool for you!"
*************************************************************************************
Taylor Lauren Barker was born on January 9, 1992 in Delray Beach, Florida. I was living my (primarily) aimless existence in Austin, Texas and becoming more and more unhappy with myself and the choices I was making about my life. I just couldn't seem to settle on doing ANYTHING that had purpose or would contribute to a successful future for me as an adult. Despite being 28 years old, I really had no more direction than I did at 18. I was - quite simply -- lost.
The night before Taylor's birth (which was scheduled) my younger brother Jeremy called and we talked about his becoming a father. He shared his hopes and his fears about being a good dad and how he didn't want to let his little girl down as our father had let us down throughout the years. As we talked I reassured him -- I knew that he would be a wonderful father, just as Dulce, his wife, would be a wonderful mother. I laughingly told him (as only a big sister can!) that he would make mistakes and screw things up, but that as long as he learned from the mistakes he made along the way and didn't continue to make them...well, I thought that in the end he'd be okay.
In the months that followed Taylor's birth I received pictures in the mail of this darling, chubby little charmer with big brown eyes and enough hair for seven babies. She was a perfect mix of her mama and daddy, and I loved seeing her happy little face in the photos that were shared. I hated that I was so far away, but I was so entrenched in the idea that I belonged in Texas that it never occurred to me that I could BE anywhere else.
One summer morning that changed.
I woke up one Saturday morning after yet another night of partying and had, what I truly believe, was a divine revelation. I sat up in bed, feeling rough around the edges from the drinking the night before and was suddenly overcome with a great feeling of despair. The sun was shining in the windows of my room, but it might as well as been the darkest, gloomiest night for all the pain I felt. And then it just simply came to me. If I wanted to make something of my life then I was going to have to leave Austin. I wasn't sure where I was going or what I was doing -- but I knew I had to leave.
With that in mind, I called my mother in Florida and made arrangements to come and see her in September. I wanted to visit my family and see if Florida was where I needed to be. Unfortunately, my dear grandfather -- my Pop Pop -- finally lost his long struggle with cancer and slipped away in August. Grandma assured me that coming to visit in September would be okay...so a month later I boarded a plane in Houston and headed to Orlando.
Little did I know how my life was going to change.
It was wonderful to see my family -- to share some time mourning the passing of my Pop Pop and get caught up on how everyone was doing. The plan was for us to spend some time together and then a few days later we would head down to South Florida so I could see my brother, sister-in-law and meet my 9 month old niece. So that's what we did.
I lost my heart the first time I laid eyes on her. I loved every minute I spent with her. She responded well to me and it was so fun to play with her, hold her close and share giggles and snuggles. In just the short span of a weekend, I fell head over heels in love and determined that there was no way that I was going to live 1700 miles away from this little girl. I didn't realize at the time how much I needed ALL of my family -- I was just bound and determined that I was going to be a part of that little girl's life.
And so I have been. (Even after her rotten parents moved them all to New York when she was seven. Luckily it's worked out okay.)
I returned to Texas and by December I was ready to leave. On December 20, 1992 I landed in Orlando again, ready to begin my adult life.
And so I did.
My beautiful Taylor is 23 years old now. She has been joined by my other darling nieces -- Joey, Finley and Charley -- as well as my handsome nephew, Shiloh. Being an aunt has been such a precious gift to me, as it was not in God's plan that I would have children of my own. I look at the amazing young woman Taylor has become and I am blown away by the gifts I have been given. She's the one who urged me to start a blog. "You have a voice, "she told me. How incredible it is to me that she believes in me.
My other nieces are young, as is my nephew and unfortunately we do not live in the same place. But I am committed to being Aunt Pam and so I plan on doing the best I can to have those relationships with them as well. Being Aunt Pam has been one of the best things I've ever done in my entire life.
What a lucky girl am I.
Taylor Lauren Barker was born on January 9, 1992 in Delray Beach, Florida. I was living my (primarily) aimless existence in Austin, Texas and becoming more and more unhappy with myself and the choices I was making about my life. I just couldn't seem to settle on doing ANYTHING that had purpose or would contribute to a successful future for me as an adult. Despite being 28 years old, I really had no more direction than I did at 18. I was - quite simply -- lost.
The night before Taylor's birth (which was scheduled) my younger brother Jeremy called and we talked about his becoming a father. He shared his hopes and his fears about being a good dad and how he didn't want to let his little girl down as our father had let us down throughout the years. As we talked I reassured him -- I knew that he would be a wonderful father, just as Dulce, his wife, would be a wonderful mother. I laughingly told him (as only a big sister can!) that he would make mistakes and screw things up, but that as long as he learned from the mistakes he made along the way and didn't continue to make them...well, I thought that in the end he'd be okay.
In the months that followed Taylor's birth I received pictures in the mail of this darling, chubby little charmer with big brown eyes and enough hair for seven babies. She was a perfect mix of her mama and daddy, and I loved seeing her happy little face in the photos that were shared. I hated that I was so far away, but I was so entrenched in the idea that I belonged in Texas that it never occurred to me that I could BE anywhere else.
One summer morning that changed.
I woke up one Saturday morning after yet another night of partying and had, what I truly believe, was a divine revelation. I sat up in bed, feeling rough around the edges from the drinking the night before and was suddenly overcome with a great feeling of despair. The sun was shining in the windows of my room, but it might as well as been the darkest, gloomiest night for all the pain I felt. And then it just simply came to me. If I wanted to make something of my life then I was going to have to leave Austin. I wasn't sure where I was going or what I was doing -- but I knew I had to leave.
With that in mind, I called my mother in Florida and made arrangements to come and see her in September. I wanted to visit my family and see if Florida was where I needed to be. Unfortunately, my dear grandfather -- my Pop Pop -- finally lost his long struggle with cancer and slipped away in August. Grandma assured me that coming to visit in September would be okay...so a month later I boarded a plane in Houston and headed to Orlando.
Little did I know how my life was going to change.
It was wonderful to see my family -- to share some time mourning the passing of my Pop Pop and get caught up on how everyone was doing. The plan was for us to spend some time together and then a few days later we would head down to South Florida so I could see my brother, sister-in-law and meet my 9 month old niece. So that's what we did.
I lost my heart the first time I laid eyes on her. I loved every minute I spent with her. She responded well to me and it was so fun to play with her, hold her close and share giggles and snuggles. In just the short span of a weekend, I fell head over heels in love and determined that there was no way that I was going to live 1700 miles away from this little girl. I didn't realize at the time how much I needed ALL of my family -- I was just bound and determined that I was going to be a part of that little girl's life.
And so I have been. (Even after her rotten parents moved them all to New York when she was seven. Luckily it's worked out okay.)
I returned to Texas and by December I was ready to leave. On December 20, 1992 I landed in Orlando again, ready to begin my adult life.
And so I did.
My beautiful Taylor is 23 years old now. She has been joined by my other darling nieces -- Joey, Finley and Charley -- as well as my handsome nephew, Shiloh. Being an aunt has been such a precious gift to me, as it was not in God's plan that I would have children of my own. I look at the amazing young woman Taylor has become and I am blown away by the gifts I have been given. She's the one who urged me to start a blog. "You have a voice, "she told me. How incredible it is to me that she believes in me.
My other nieces are young, as is my nephew and unfortunately we do not live in the same place. But I am committed to being Aunt Pam and so I plan on doing the best I can to have those relationships with them as well. Being Aunt Pam has been one of the best things I've ever done in my entire life.
What a lucky girl am I.
 |
| Being Aunt Pam -- September 1992 with Taylor |
 |
| Aunt Pam and Josephine Elizabeth -- aka Miss Joey |
 |
| Finely Catherine and Charley Rae -- The Little Bits |
No comments:
Post a Comment